I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I smell stomach acid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
