I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
