I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
