Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
