thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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