I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
