Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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