I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
