Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
