I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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