areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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