Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just shotgunned beers for America
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
