Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
