The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
