doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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