I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
