Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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