she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
