I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
