I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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