I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
