i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you will always have a special place in my vag
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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