I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
