u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
