Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
