my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
