You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
