My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
