every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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