Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
