my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
