i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
