you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
