Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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