Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
