Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
