I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
