Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
