we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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