need another drink. this is the easiest way
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
