i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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