When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
