The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
