the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
