Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I die, sorry about rent.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
