her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
