I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
