I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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