Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
