So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
