so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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