its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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