Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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