You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
