Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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