pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
