You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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