I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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