i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
